Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle, has revealed she had suicidal thoughts and struggled with her mental health after joining the Royal family.
The Duchess, 39, revealed this in an explosive 2-hour interview with Oprah Winfrey, alongside her husband, Prince Harry.
She expressed that “stress and isolation” drove her to contemplate taking her own life while pregnant with son Archie.
Meghan said she had asked officials at Buckingham Palace for medical help but was told it would damage the institution.
The Duchess clarified that when she said “the institution,” she was referring to several people and that, when she was feeling suicidal, she went to one of the most senior people for help but she was turned down.
Look, I was really ashamed to have to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he’s suffered. But I knew that if I didn’t say that I would do it … and I just didn’t ― I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.
Meghan admitted to Winfrey that she would have committed suicide and since the royal family won’t help her, she asked for help from a friend of Prince Harry’s late mom, Princess Diana.
She said she struggled with her mental health due to the intense pressures of being in the Royal Family, and that she had suicidal thoughts.
The Duchess added;
I remember, I remember how [Harry] just cradled me and I was… I went to the institution, and I said that I needed to go somewhere to get help. I said that I’ve never felt this way before and I need to go somewhere. And I was told that I couldn’t, that it wouldn’t be good for the institution.
She said Harry was there for her and constantly held her tightly whenever they were in the public to reassure her.
Meghan also revealed she is “haunted” by a photograph of herself at a red carpet event at the Royal Albert Hall in January 2019, which the couple attended just after she had the conversation with Harry.
The Duchess expressed;
A friend said, ‘I know you don’t look at pictures, but oh my god, you guys look so great’, and sent it to me. I zoomed in and what I saw was the truth of what that moment was, because right before we had to leave for that, I had just had that conversation with Harry that morning.
Meghan said Harry suggested she did not attend the event, but that she did not want to be left alone.
And we went. And that picture, if you zoom in, what I see is how tightly his knuckles are gripped around me. You can see the whites of our knuckles because we are smiling and doing our job, but we are both just trying to hold on.
Every time those lights went down in that royal box, I was just weeping.[Harry] was gripping my hand and it was, ‘Okay an intermission’s coming, the lights are about to come on, everyone’s looking at us again’ … and you had to just be ‘on’ again.
You have no idea what’s going on for someone behind closed doors. You’ve no idea. Even the people that smile the biggest smiles and shine the brightest lights, it seems.
When Winfrey spoke to Meghan about going to a hospital, the Duchess of Sussex explained why that just wasn’t possible.
You couldn’t call an Uber to the palace. You couldn’t just go,” she said. “You have to understand ― when I joined this family, that was the last time until we came here I saw my passport, my driver’s license, my keys. All that gets turned over.
Watch clips from the interview below;