In a previous EB Exclusive titled ‘Tough Love…’ we mentioned that your spouse’s family is an important factor in your union and you best discuss about it before you begin on your marital journey. In this article, we will delve more into this matter, how it will affect your union-marital or otherwise- and how to deal with these effects.
Why Mother In-Laws?
Every time there is a problem with an in-law-, it is mostly with the mother in-laws. At times, it is with the brothers and sisters’ in-law but even then, the influence of the mother in-law is so heavily present that it almost seem like she is orchestrating the problem. So why is it mostly mother in-laws?
Nature is so structured that a mother is the person in whom “life receives a form suitable for living in this world”. It means that a mother’s role is to ensure that you have formed well enough to function physically and spiritually. As her primary duty, she ensures that you are fed – breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She also ensures that you learn societal norms and when it is time to love, she is responsible for ensuring that you can love others and be loved by them.
This huge task that is bestowed on motherhood makes our mothers the most important people in our lives and naturally, they cannot stand back and watch things go wrong in our lives.
Remember how your mama couldn’t sleep because you have a fever? Well his mother also cannot sleep now that he is taking a decision as huge as marriage so be ready to deal with her. Nevertheless remember this: She is doing all she is doing out of love and that instinctive role nature has bestowed on her.
Different Strokes Folks…
Philadelphia magazine “PhillyMag” classifies Mother in laws into 4 categories. All of them can be good, bad and ugly.
This type of mother in-law wants to shape you into her kind not minding your upbringing or individual wants.
The Good about these is you know what they want. You can pretend whenever she is around and in so doing make peace
The Bad is you can never be like her and so you are going to have a lifetime of being corrected
The Ugly is with time, she is going to get tired of telling you and will begin to do things her way in your home
The meddler is already the type that will take over control of whatever activity you involve her in. She doesn’t seek your opinion or advice you on what to do, she is a doer herself
The Good is she could be a good subordinate, getting things done for you if you let her feel she is in control
The Bad is she will never do anything like you want it
And the Ugly is that there will always be fights because she is feisty. Don’t even ask your spouse to do something about it…it won’t work
The Ice Queen
She simply doesn’t care. If you like cut your head off she won’t say a word. This doesn’t mean she will not complain. It just means that you are not one of her kids so she doesn’t mind what happens to you
The Good is you will have things your way at all times. No interruption
The Bad is you will never get to bond with her as such you may be missing the wonderful personality she used to mold your lovely fiancée.
The Ugly is that she would air her views to her son/daughter and they will automatically see your fault because they know their mother is not troublesome
She sees her son as a child and will continue to see him as such
The Good is that she can easily be stopped if he can let her see that he is now a grown man
The Bad is that she will always relate with you-call, text, chat- as to how her baby is faring
The Ugly is that if he tells her to stop, you automatically become her enemy who is trying to break the bond between her and her baby
In conclusion, whatever you see in your mother in law is whatever you choose to see based on your own experiences. They are just mothers worried about you all and how you treat each other. The problems they cause are their own insecurities and personal struggles.